Dear Mombasa Road Route Matatu Thief,

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A man must live!

I get this. But imagine am up at this wee hour because of you. I am traumatized and let me just tell you, it won’t pay in the long run. I know people who use this route for their daily commute must be tired of you and one told me after the ordeal you passed me through, that you even eliminate any potential clients who recognize you. What a shame that you prosper on peoples sweat. What a shame that I feel somehow you work hand in hand with the matatu crew. What have you done to them? What threats have you brainwashed them with that you become more important than us who pay for the services?

I woke up late today, maybe it was all in the plans for my day. If I woke up earlier I would have met my friend who was to give me some 10k. But I did not hear the alarm and hence we never met. So the day knew you would be walking down my way and did everything in it’s power to see you didn’t succeed.

You know I only hear of these stories and sometimes read them but today I experienced it. The matatu was full and some men were standing when I boarded it. I had a weird feeling but blamed it on being one hour late to a meeting I was attending. I was to alight at Bellevue. So you gave me your seat and I was relieved. You did not alight though and I thought nothing of it.

After I paid my fare and am sure you were towering and craning your neck to see what was in my handbag as your catch for the morning, someone behind me was alighting or switching seats or something. Your coworker I assume and probably the one seated next to me. I give you A for creativity and coordination. Your coworker dropped some coins as he was pretending to alight behind my back and I had to look.

Some even fell on the matatu floor. So you knew me and my kindness was the best distraction. As he kept searching for more coins which were elusive really, it’s not like the seat had compartments, you were trying to open my bag . You had I don’t know if it’s a newspaper looking all elegant,Mr. office man, shame on you and your coworker with this large empty blue bag that he kept daggling to distract all the rest of the passengers.

When I felt this was nonsense and sat, there was your huge arm almost in my bag. My phone, Oh Lord my phone! It was in your hands, next to it was the wallet and the emoji coin purse that I flash around and when people ask, I sell them. Your big gigantic hand was in my bag Mr. Thief and I saw and asked you what you were doing in my bag but you ignored me. I am wondering if your heart skipped a beat when I saw you like mine is racing now at the thought of it. You would have rendered me useless without my mobile office.

Anyway, thank you. You looked me straight in the eyes as I was crossing the bridge, I am sorry,losing sucks! I know. I am happy it’s your lose though you piece of scumbag. Next time I won’t care what is dropped even if it’s a baby I will not look. If you do not distract me, if we do not get distracted by minor well-orchestrated plans, we get to keep our gadgets which we sweat for by the way. You know what that is by any chance? Sweating? For what’s yours? Not taking people things. Have you ever been handed a check or an envelope for a job well done that you didn’t take anyone through pain for? Oh, it is the sweetest thing. You walk with a spring, you smile even at flies, you want to walk kissing babies and giving them lollipop and hugs. You should try it. I think it would look good on you with that sweater instead of terrorizing Kenyans on their way to work.

Sincerely,
The robbery failed shaming girl.

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